There are three key factors to this post, which is mainly a conversation over text with my husband.
1 – I am coming down with a cold
2- I am very anxious
3 – I am am somewhat bored at work
R – Help help help help oh my god i’m freaking out
T – What’s wrong?
R – All I did was breathe and I was attacked by a nose monster!!!
T – (Being oddly logical about such dramatic issue) What do you mean a nose monster?
R- It just FLEW OUT! Onto my shirt! Sticky and WRONG!
T- Oh gosh. See I panicked when you said that.
R – I’m so traumatized. I don’t want to breathe anymore.
T – I’m sorry baby. You need to do that.
R- IT HAS BAD RESULTS! IVE NEVER BEEN SCARED OF MY NOSE BEFORE I DONT LIKE THIS
T- One time out of many. You’re being ridiclous. I’m sure the nost monsters will be infrequent.
R – I DONT KNOW WHAT IT IS! The picture wont send that means its sentient.
T – I’m glad it wont.
(I would just like to say, I am extrememly offended that he is not more concerned about this. It took a while, but the picture finally sent. And yes, I did take a picture of my booger that flew out when I breathed and attacked me because /it could be dangerous/.)
R- ITS NOT RIGHT! Its a mix of hard and sticky. Feels like flesh.
T- Yup, thats gross.
R- BUT ITS PAPER THIN! And it just…APPEARED
T- Yeah, I’ve had those too. Just not so sudden.
R- I’m actively CRYING. MY NOSE MADE A CLAM! A GROSS CLAM! Im scared. What does my other nostril have in store for me?
T- Oh my.
R – I KEEP PICKING AND NOTHING COMES OUT. ITS HIDING IN WAIT. THIS IS HOW I DIE. IS IT BRIAN?
T – It’s not brain.
R- IS IT A NEW SPECIES OF CREATURE?
T – It’s a booger, baby.
R – FLAT EVIL MONSTER OF DEATH. I can feel something lurking in my other nostril
T – From the second dimention?
R- IT WONT COME OUT ITS WAITING UNTIL I LEAST EXPECT IT
T – I’m sure.
R – I’m divorcing you. To keep you safe.
T- Um, no. That’s not happening.
R – Yes. So it can’t get you.
T – I’m safe already.
R- ITS COMING FOR US ALL
T – I think we’re okay.
R – STARTED WITH ME BECAUSE I’M THE MOST IMPORTANT TO THE SPECIES
T- Of course.
R – BUT SOON IT WILL MOVE ON TO LESSER BEINGS
T – That’s logical.
T – Are you calling me a lesser being?
R – DONT FOCUS ON THAT NOW! WE ARE UNDER ATTACK
T- I mean…I feel like its’ a significant detail
R – WHERE IS THE NEAREST VOLCANO
T – The Philippines? I dont know.
R – HOW DO I GET THERE THE QUICKEST
T- Plane, probably.
R – THOMAS DONT BE SO OFFENDED THE VIRUS DIDNT CHOOSE YOU, JUST BE GREATFUL DAMN IT.
T – I’m a little offended, not gonna lie.
R – Shit, no. Cant take a plane. Too high risk of infection. Gonna have to swim.
T – That’s a long swim, friend.
R – Well, I guess I could throw myself into like, a morgue fire.
T- That seems somehow less than a perfect solution
R- IT IS BURN ALIVE OR INFECT THE MASSES
T – Still seems somewhat extreme. The masses can deal with it.
R – /Monster/
So basically, if we all die of some horrid creature pretending to be a bogger, blame my husband.